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I AM 18 I SHOULD LEAVE

                   I AM 18. I SHOULD LEAVE


“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis‬ 2:24).


This is a very hard topic to talk about because there are many, many reasons why some young adults move before marriage and they have their parents' blessing. I want to share what I think about the ones that leave just "because". No one has to agree, it is just something to think about.


Some typical words of an emerging adult;  “I can’t wait to turn eighteen to leave”, “I hated it here”, “I won't listen to this anymore when I’m gone”, “I’m an adult I can do whatever I want”. Why? Why is it that even our children say that? Is it pressure? Is it society? Definitely not Biblical.


In my birth country, Guatemala , you won’t typically hear these opinions. I don’t personally remember anyone saying; I can’t wait to leave my parents house! Maybe it’s because we rely on our parents or maybe it’s the culture? I don’t personally think so but that’s what many people may say.


In the Bible we don’t find anything saying that young adults left their parents, unless they got married. If the Bible shows that we should leave our parents when we get married. Is it culture? Is it Biblical?


I’m sure there are single young adults that leave because of necessity, college, or to do the Lord's work like missionary work. Remember, I’m not talking about them. I'm only sharing my opinion on Christian children that want to leave just because they see what the world is doing.


I believe that teenagers can’t wait to leave because they don’t like to follow rules. They may say “if I'm not here; I have no one to tell me what to do or when to come home”. They may feel grown up or they may think they know everything. But in reality no one knows everything, we are always learning something new.


When they do leave with this attitude, they typically go the wrong way. Look at the prodigal son: “And he said, A certain man had two sons: and the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living” (Luke‬ 15:11-13‬).


Also, they may want to leave because of a difficult living situation. We need to be careful how we treat them. We need to treat them as emerging adults and not little children anymore. If you have rules, they should already know them. A little reminder of the rules is not a bad thing, we all forget sometimes. Be careful how you talk to them, how you remind them. Children are not only our children but they are God’s children, they understand when we talk patiently. How would you feel if your parents yelled at you? How would you react? “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Colossians‬ 3:21).‬ ‬‬‬‬


Other reasons I believe it’s because they hear it in school, on TV, from friends, parents, work, etc . That it is normal to leave at eighteen and weird to live with parents. People even make fun of the ones that are still at home. God doesn’t think it’s weird. He loves to see families united.


What about parents' words? I’ve heard parents say “I can’t wait for my children to turn eighteen and leave”, “I can’t handle my child anymore”, “They need to learn to defend themselves”,“I need time to myself” but why??? I don’t understand. It makes me sad to think that my children are leaving because of my selfish reasons; or that I don’t want them anymore, that is what it sounds like. (We don’t want them anymore). I know they have to learn to defend themselves, that's why we teach them. “Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs‬ 22:6)‬. I also know we need time to ourselves but if we are only thinking about ourselves we are being selfish. Remember, our children are an heritage of the Lord: “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: And the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Psalm‬ 127:3).


Why are we going alongside the world?


I have been looking in the Bible for something that can make me change my mind to agree that my children should leave at eighteen but I still can't find anything. To me, it means I’m sticking to my opinion. Maybe no one is wrong, we all have different ideas: “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: But the LORD pondereth the hearts" (Proverbs‬ 21:2‬). It depends why they are leaving. God knows their and our hearts. ‬‬‬


These are the verses that let's me know that my children shouldn’t leave the house when they turn eighteen or before marriage:


  • “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis‬ 2:24‬).


  • “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;” (Mark‬ 10:7‬).


  • “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh” (Ephesians‬ 5:31‬).


So then, what makes us think it’s ok for our children to leave before marriage? I would like to know.


Likhi Roush

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